Roto Rooter

About 6 months ago, we realized that our guest bathroom's tub faucet was not working. It would turn on, but only cold water would run. If you turned the faucet to hot, the water would stop running. So I called the manufacturer (Moen) and they proceeded to tell me, that basically...."if you don't use it...you lose it." I guess for some reason these faucets have a reputation of not working if not constantly used. So I asked them to send me a replacement valve, which I've now had sitting in my toolbox for the last 6 months.

At one point, while my dad was visiting, he tried to replace the valve...however, unfortunately, to no avail. Then, with our recent tornado adventure, I made friends with the contractor who fixed our roof and asked him to explain how I could switch out the valve. "It's easy!" he said. "Anyone can do it. Just remember, the most important thing is to first, turn off your main water supply using your church key."

"Ok," I said, "how do I do that and what the heck is a church key?"

I had no idea what he was talking about! But after a short tutorial on how to turn off our main water supply using this infamous key (which...come on, EVERYONE that owns/rents/or even lives in a house SHOULD know how to do), as well as a detailed explanation on how to switch out the valve in the bathtub, I felt like I was ready to go.

So after a long visit to Home Depot with Garrett and Isaac (my version of HELL!) to purchase the mandatory home-owning church key and wrench, Jeff and I were finally set to fix this faucet. (A couple of side notes: First, if this key/wrench is so mandatory....why don't they give you one when you purchase your brand new home?! I mean, come on! They gave me a plunger! And second, if this valve is so prone to freeze up if not used sufficiently, why doesn't the faucet come with a big sticker warning you of the outcome!)

Ok, so enter D-Day: While Jeff was outside this evening doing a few home-improvement tasks (patching up a hole in our mortar, hanging some new plants out on the front porch), I figured I would tackle the tub faucet. "It's easy...anyone can do it!"

I had a tutorial, right!? I can do this!

So I get my church key and wrench, go out front and successfully turn off the main water supply. Step one...check. I'm on a roll. Then I proceed upstairs and begin to take apart the faucet, following exactly the tutorial I was given only days ago. I making good progress and quickly get to the part that I was told would be the hardest, which was to pull out the old valve. My contractor told me that I would have to pull as hard as I could...even to the point that it would feel like I was going to pull the entire faucet out of the wall. Step two....um, no check. I couldn't get the "D" valve out! So I call up the hubby (Bob Villa....not) and ask him to use all his manly strength to pull out the valve. I kept telling him, "it's supposed to be really hard to pull out, so just go for it!"

Which he did...oh yes, which he did. And with all that strength came a loud "CRACK!" Jeff must have channeled Iron Man or something and literally broke off the large metal screw sticking out of the old valve. I was immediately a little worried...but quickly rationalized this little mishap with the fact that it would ALL have to come out sooner or later. So, unsuccessfully, Jeff and I both walked out of the the bathroom...defeated, and thinking....why do we even care about the "D" tub anyway?! It's not like we EVER use it! I mean, come on! That's the reason it doesn't work IN THE FIRST PLACE! UGH!

Anyway, so I tell Jeff, "Just forget about it. We'll figure out a way to fix it later. I'll just go outside and turn the main water supply back on."

Which I did.

And then I remembered...I better go clean up all the loose parts laying around the bathtub. I had stopped up the drain while I was doing my handy work, so I wasn't worried about any of the small screws falling down the drain, but I didn't want anyone going in there (a little ironic at this point) and walking off with the anything.

Um....yeah.... so you know what's coming next. A vision of our success!
Two words: Uh oh.

The best part of all, I just got off the phone with the plumber who can't come until the morning...so if we have to shower or use the toilet, our routine goes something like this: one of us runs outside (i.e. ME), turns on the water, runs back in, does our thing (the whole time knowing that we are wasting gallons of water as the faucet upstairs just Niagra-Falls-it!) and then hurries back outside, turns our coveted wrench, and successfully puts us back in the dark ages...or should I say dry ages, with no running water.

I guess if there is one positive thing about this whole home improvement debacle...it's that I have a much bigger appreciation of water now...especially running water!

PS: Why are they called "Roto Rooter" anyway?